Recognizing the Signs of Communication Breakdown
- Constant arguments or defensiveness: It can be difficult to hear criticism or take in feedback, even from the person closest to you. When someone starts a conversation with the word “you”, it makes it even harder to be open to what they’re saying.
- Passive-aggressive behaviors or avoidance: It can feel like the only solution is to hurt the other person with your words or leave the situation and environment quickly.
- Feeling misunderstood, dismissed, or unheard: It can feel lonely and bring up feelings of abandonment when your partner doesn’t “get” what you’re saying or feeling.
Why Communication Issues Are So Common in Relationships
The impact of stress, parenting, work, and unresolved past wounds. Adults are already overtired, and the additional responsibilities in their lives can make it feel exhausting and overwhelming to take the time to find the best words for communicating their feelings accurately and without creating defensiveness in their partner.
How assumptions and emotional triggers create a cycle of disconnection- When past arguments are brought up or negative assumptions are made about the person’s intention, the couple is vulnerable to feeling misunderstood and disconnected from one another.
One conflict or argument without understanding can build on the previous ones and create a general feeling of mistrust and bring up emotional wounds from earlier in life, leading to missed opportunities for repair and healing.
What Couples Therapy Actually Looks Like
Tools therapists use to rebuild communication:
- Active listening
- Emotion-focused reflection
- Conflict resolution techniques
It’s important for each partner to feel heard and understood, as well as feel safe enough to own their part of the conflict and apologize.
Someone’s intentions may be good, but the impact may unintentionally create harm to their partner, and a couples therapist can help individuals feel safe enough to look at their actions without defensiveness.
Creating a safe space for both partners to feel heard and validated is one valuable tool of couples therapy, and one that can be taken out into the outside world so the couple can feel safe to have and repair conflicts outside of the therapy room.
How Therapy Helps Rebuild Trust and Emotional Intimacy
Repairing damage from past conversations is vital; people don’t always remember the exact words that were hurtful, but they do remember the impact of those words. It’s not too late to support your partner in feeling seen and heard, even if the argument was in the past.
Learning to express your needs by using “I” statements can help your partner stay present in the here and now rather than shutting down and tuning out your needs. Setting boundaries about when, where, and how conflicts can and can’t occur can be very helpful.
Learning ways to communicate without blame can make you feel like you’re finally on the same team.
Tips You Can Start Using Today
- Pause before reacting; ask yourself, “What am I really feeling right now?” so that you can choose a response that you can feel good about.
- Use “I” statements instead of accusations, as this will ensure that you have a better chance of feeling heard.
- Schedule check-in conversations weekly so that conflicts and misunderstandings don’t build up, and discussions don’t start with “you always…”.
Is It Time to Get Support?
When minor frustrations become major roadblocks, or you’re stuck in cycles of resentment, couples therapy is a great tool for learning tools to change the patterns and lead to better outcomes.
Early intervention often leads to better outcomes, and historically, couples often wait too long to start the therapy process. They can feel hopeless or ready to leave by the time they seek help.
When the problems begin, it never hurts to consult with a couples therapist and see if it’s the right time for support.
Reconnect Through Therapy
We encourage you to take the first step and schedule a consultation to rebuild connection and safety in your relationship. We would be happy to learn more about what hasn’t been working and meet in the safety of the office (or teletherapy) in order to create a treatment plan.
